Reflection

So, this past Sunday, Kenneth and I went up to Logan with my brother Michael, his fiancee Kim, my sister Alisha, and my step sibs, Tony and Julie. We went to go visit Mama Marva, Jayne's mother. She has had cancer for many years, and a year or two back she decided that she was done with chemo, and that she would no longer do any of the normal treatments. She has been pretty well, but has recently had a turn for the worst. Her cancer has spread, and the doctors have given her a very short time until she passes. Sunday we went up together to see her for at least one last time.

The Woodward home is one that is always filled with love and laughter. When my dad remarried, Mama Marva and Papa Ken accepted me as one of their own grandkids instantly. Their love and compassion was one of the main reasons my transition to step-family life was so smooth. I spent a lot of time with them when they lived in Woodland, CA and missed them tons when they moved to Logan, UT. It was great to see them again, and to visit with Suzie, Linda (two aunts), Christina (cousin from Spain who was at BYU) and of course with Papa Ken and Mama Marva. We spent many hours just talking about the upcoming wedding, and reminising about the past. The days when Mama Marva sewed matchings dresses for Sharon and Linda, and the bratty girls who couldn't stand the dresses at the time, but who wonder where they are now. We laughed a lot, and remembered a lot of great memories. All too soon, however, it was time to go. Mama Marva was getting tired, though she never would have admitted it. I went to give her a hug goodbye - what may have been for the last time in this life, and it broke my heart when she held my hand, told me what a wonderful person I was, and wouldn't let go. It broke my heart to see Papa Ken trying to be so strong, yet knowing that his heart was breaking. Mama Marva kept holding my hand, even while hugging Alisha goodbye and the others.

Eventually we left, and the reality of what was happening hit me when I got home. I am not unaccustomed to death. I know it happens, I've experienced a lot of it, from grandparents, aunts, uncles, and several cousins. Over a dozen deaths since I've been born. I know I will see my loved ones again, and for that knowledge I am truly grateful. I pray that a miracle happens, and that her life will be extended, but at the same time, if Heavenly Father needs her home, I understand that too. Either way tears found their way down my face and onto the pillow that night as I thought about this wonderful woman who has touched the lives of so many people.

As I've reflected on this the last couple of days, it has helped me to revamp my efforts of making each day count. I tend to get frustrated easily, and sometimes lose my temper...unfortuntaly it is usually the people I am closest to who get the brunt of it...and that means Kenneth. I love Kenneth and my family members and countless friends - friends who really are family to me so much. I am trying to be better to give thanks for all the many blessings I have, and the people who bring those blessings into my life. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for making my life better.